I CaN

WARNING, THIS POST IS RANT. PURE RANT. NEGATIVE AND SHOULD NOT BE READ, BUT I WANT TO SHOUT THIS TO THE VIRTUAL WORLD. DO NOT READ AND DO NOT CONTACT ME ASKING WHATS WRONG, ITS HOW I FEEL, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

I can be shook.

I am not bulletproof. I may appear to be cause I push the boundaries
but I can be shook
I can be broken and split, splintered and frayed shelled and fragged
battered and bruise and broken.
I have lots of self discipline but its not enough.
I have done many right things but that is not enough.
I have gave myself when I said I wouldn't do it again.
I have believed when I said I would not believe.
As strong as I have stood I have folded.
I have felt the love for life and have felt the fight as well.
Have felt pain deep in my fiber both physical and emotional
I no longer understand what the point of it is.
What does it all mean.
What is the answer to it all.
Sick I have grown of all the cliched sayings that people spit.
everything happens, blah, blah, blah...
one door closes another opens....
do you know how old I am?
I am tired of doors and if I was sure that my sons would be fine maybe I would leave
right isn't that what they say, if you don't like it here, then leave?
That's the answer to everything is it? Run away?
WTF...
Like I care...
What have I done...
What have I got to show for my years of effort?
Is this what mid life crisis is all about?
Questioning analyzing, criticizing, realizing, accepting or denying?
FED UP
Seems so wrong to rant
Seems so wrong to complain about how I feel when there are starving children in Africa or Haiti or right around the corner
Guess that's being too self fish to feel frustrated with my current situation.
Is the grass greener on the other side?
What does it all mean? Why does it have to be so complicated?
Why does it seem the ones who abuse and don't appreciate have all the spoils and the ones who do right and walk a straight have NONE...
WTF is the point? Is this some cruel joke? Is this supposed to be funny? I'm not laughing...
Timing is everything, this is perfect isn't it, perfect timing. My life turned upside down, then right side up then upside down...
Right before I got to push myself...
And that's the one thing I love about riding and hate about riding all at the same time. The wondering, the thinking the pondering, the constant thinking and reminiscing...
life is beautiful so many joys...
LIFE SUCKS so much pain
so much tragedy
This is not funny
Nor is it fun
but then it is
so much going on...I'm tired of it....